Oh dear, oh dear. The world is crashing around me. Not, not really, but sometimes it feels like that, as if the questions in my head were boulders dragging me down to the bottom of a mossy lake. The "Intro to Biodynamics" course which I was planning to take in Järna has been cancelled. So it's not the end of the world, but I was really hoping to find some inspiration in it, or a job, or a connection that would help me stay in Sweden. Breathe deep, Julia. What am I going to do?
I could work. Study. Work. Create a business. Nature, Food, People, Gardening, Art? Where to begin? Why do I constantly find myself on this cycle of anxiety? The outside pressure to study is insane, and I don't even know where it's coming from. I so badly want to break the orthodox ways of our messed-up world, join the crowd of progressive people, make a difference, or at least do a job that I whole-heartedly support, but how do I get there? How do I avoid hypocrisy? How can I fit into society when I hate so much about it. I've traveled to the other side of the world, where the social structure suits me much better than elsewhere, but now what? I have no degree to my name, limited work experience, limited funds, and anxiety streaming from every pore in all directions like an exploding sun.
What does a degree even mean these days? So many graduating students find no work with or without a degree... and yet I have such a strong desire to learn. What am I going to do???
...falling down to the bottom of this epically deep lake....
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