Thistle Help

Ah, what a pleasure it is to have a space of my own. I love, love, love having an apartment. I finally came do stuff that I couldn't at home or at any of the other places I've lived, without feeling like I'm encroaching on somebody else's space or breaking the rules. Ah rules, I can't believe I dealt with them all these years. Coffee in the morning, right when and right where I want it. Anytime is time for music. There is space in the living room to hula hoop, and legit-ly. My herbal fanaticism doesn't seem to bother anybody, neither does my obsession with collecting jars, and filling them with things. I can leave my shoes by the door, my backpack on the floor, my dishes in the sink if I so well —though I don't— and last but not least—actually this should probably find itself on the top of the list— I can have people over without any reservations. My friends can actually just walk in and hang out with me, and I don't have to ask, beg and always have that desire turned down. Oh my GOD!— I'm FREE! 

My [German] parents were visit for a week at the beginning of June and a few days after they left our roomie moved in to the apartment. It's nice to have that extra room filled up with energy. It had sort of been feeling like a forgotten void, an unimportant, extra room before. It's much better now. And considering that everyone in Stockholm needs a place to live so badly, it would just be plain selfish to hold that room for ourselves. Anyway, we had a move-in-party on Friday and many wonderful faces showed up. We cooked some rice and a nice curry, had drinks, played good music and had a great time. It made me realize how much space we actually have. 98 square meters—1055 square feet—is a lot of room, and today it was put to good use again. 

My friend Hanna came over and the two of us did a Kundalini Meditation by a guru named Osho. I've done it twice before and it's just so nice, but you definitely need space for the energy to flow and move, and to not feel cramped in the space you're in. I moved aside some chairs in the living room, rolled up the rug and plugged in Johannes' awesome speakers (there are so many perks to dating a sound technician) and we began. 

The meditation consists of 4 parts, each having a duration of 15 minutes. In the first increment, you're supposed to stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, eyes open or closed (I prefer closed) and then shake all parts of your body gently, to the music. At first you have to initiate the shaking yourself, but sometimes you get really into it and it seems like your body just shakes itself and you have to just go with it. It really gets the energy flowing through your body. The music changes for every section, and in the second you're supposed to dance, however you want. That's probably my favorite part of the meditation. The third section is sitting and meditating by acknowledging whatever thoughts, images or feeling pass. The fourth is just to lay down in absolute silence and stillness. 

In the third section, I began to experience blotches of color, mostly purple and dark indigo, that were pulsing and filling up my field of vision more and more, until I saw pretty much just a single isolated splotch. It became an unopened thistle flower that I was trying to pry open with my fingers, and occasionally the image would flit from being a thistle to being a sunflower. It was clear that I was the thistle, but that I was also the sunflower. I think it was something like how I am perceived by others and how I sometimes perceive myself. I am definitely sunflower-y and bright, but there are also lots of emotions and feelings that I can't even access myself, and in that I am very much an unopened, stubborn thistle. Not that I want to be that, but that's just how it is, and to face that reality was very cool. Well, I guess it wasn't so much as facing the reality, I know that that's the reality of it, but coming face to face with it in such an intimate way was interesting. Or the fact that if, of all of my weaknesses and struggles, came up is cool. 

...That's enough for now.