Defining Home

It's remarkable how we humans feel a sense of belonging, or lack there of. I still haven't grasped my desire to stay here in Sweden, but here I feel more at home than anywhere else in the world.

Perhaps I'm not a winter person—that much is probably true—despite my short upbringing in the Bavarian Forest, but somehow the temperate way of life suits me much better than the tropical one. Maybe it has to do with human temperaments, or personalities. If I compare myself to my mom—who was always drawn to the latin culture, warmth, spice, arrrrrrriba—I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. I love peaceful meadows, calm water, poetry, sleeping. That's not to say that I don't like the warmth, but a good example of our differences is how we approach conflicts or situations of annoyance.

I am a pretty passive person, to say the least. I hate conflicts, I will do anything to avoid an argument (unless it's about nuclear power, GMO's or child labor etc, then I will put my foot down and let out the rage..) but I'd much rather bring down the volatile feelings between people and just solve things peacefully. It's a bit counterintuitive that an island wouldn't be peaceful, but I think Oahu is anything but. People work their asses off for minimum wage, struggle to make ends meet, live in shit-hole apartments, have limited access to good food (because of the price, the tax on shipped goods, and the fact that GMO's are tested in Hawaii and poison the water, air and soil, and cross-contaminate other crops) and face a skyrocketing traffic problem, as the number of cars increases every year.

It's no wonder that people are aggressive and selfish. When all of the tax money goes to funding wars, upholstering the lives of the sickeningly rich, subsidizing cheap, toxic crops... how could there be anything left for proper public transportation, nice roads, functioning sewers, adequate housing, healthy food, and proper social services? It's no wonder. I've known this since I was 13, and having been complaining about it ever since. Yes, there was a time when I had no friends because I dared to speak my mind, and said things like, "I hate Hawaii, it's so dysfunctional." Well, that statement still stands. I love it deeply in a romanticized way, but realistically I want nothing to do with it, other than its nature, beaches and hikes. Thank you very much.

Yesterday I experienced something that completely confirms my thoughts about conflicts and how people are influenced by the political environment. Capitalism sucks. It makes people angry and greedy, left to fight for themselves instead of sharing with one another. Road rage is an explicit example of this; people who need to fight to get to work and fight to get home are angry on the streets. I even experience it myself. I hate traffic. I hate driving home from a long day of work where I earned a mere pittance. As a passive person I detest being amongst such aggressive people, because it does rub off and I shame myself for adopting that behavior. That doesn't seem to exist here in such high levels. Maybe I just haven't found it yet, but yesterday I was astonished at how people behaved when the metro stopped working. One of the doors of the metro apparently couldn't close properly, and we were sitting at the platform for a good 15 minutes. No eyes were rolled, no exasperated sighs to be heard, no anxious feet tapped at the floor, and no angry fingers drummed against the rails. People sat, patiently, waiting, accepting that the metro wasn't working, and that technicians were doing their best to fix the situation. After a good wait, we all had to exit the cars and wait another 5 or 10 minutes on the platform for a new train to come. Two young women found each other in the crowd, after having texted with each other that they were stuck on the train. They smiled, hugged, started talking. People stood calmly, upright, listened to music, chatted. They didn't worry. They didn't stress. It was the most beautiful sight to behold. Hundreds of people peacefully waiting sans aggression, at what could be called an "annoying situation."

That's why this country feels right, or it's at least one of the things that makes me feel a home here. I would be so proud to work and give up a large portion of my salary in taxes, to a system that works. Where fathers get paid paternity leave when they have children, mothers obviously do too. Where the streets are clean and even the grossest bathrooms smell much better than any normal street in Honolulu, or any other big city in the US. Where economy is a healthy thing, and people make enough to lead fulfilled lives, but don't waste their savings on plastic goods and crap.

So, I've dealt with the questions of "Where are you from?","Where is your home?","Where do you belong?" long enough. I can do nothing about the fact that I was born somewhere extremely Catholic and judgmental, the important thing is that I didn't choose it. I can do nothing about the fact that I was dragged around the US to different places and formed my own opinions about them. At the end of the day, I know what I kind of society I want to live in. And that is home. The choice to neglect something dysfunctional may be seen as running away. "If you want it differently than you should change it. Change the policy!" That's not going to work. Not if there is a growing rift between the rich and the poor, if there are two, equally dominant political parties that cannot come to any sort of agreement and end up wasting resources and time, and if people don't wake up to the fact that they don't have to support either side. I don't feel like wasting my life on a political fight to better a country based on selfish values. No, thank you. Life is short. I'd rather be in a functional place and spend my time doing good things with people who I agree with. I'd rather pay the 50% tax fees and support others.

End of discussion. Socialism can be awesome.