Frightened Soloist

Now, I don't take my "global" lifestyle for granted—I love that I was exposed to so many different places, cultures and languages growing up, and I definitely love to travel—but I am a little jealous of all those people who are deeply rooted to the place of their origin. I definitely appreciate my cosmopolitan angle on life, but sometimes I wish that the best friend I had growing up still was my neighbor, or that I wouldn't have to travel 13,000 miles to visit my grandparents, or that when I get married one day I wouldn't have to face the problem of consolidating all my guests from around the world. Ay! I know it's a ridiculous thing to complain about, but it inspires a sort of lonely, drifter feeling in me.

I'm facing a move to a place where I used to live, a place that I loved. I'm excited to try following some of my dreams, but I'm afraid too, that they are just dreams, and that the places I am heading are different in reality than they are in my memories. Things have changed; I've changed. I'm sure that California looks much different through the eyes of a child than through those of an adult. A child doesn't see the 8% sales tax, the rent, the abysmal house-market... No, I remember frolicking through redwood forests, rubbing river rocks together to make face-paint, going sea-glass hunting, the smell of eucalyptus, the sting of the the brisk morning air on my already-rosy cheeks, unwrapping the moist, warm corn husk of tamales, jazz concerts in parks, banana slugs... Would it be naïve to imagine living those moments again? I think, not really. If I plan to incorporate nature or sustainable agriculture in whatever it is I choose to do, then it might not be such an unrealistic hope. But if I'm bogged down with student loans, work, rent to pay etc, then I might not be able to indulge in those pleasures. I guess I can't go forward without the risk. But I feel like it's a big deal. It's scary to take that leap all alone.

The thing that would make it a lot less daunting is a companion or two. Dreams never get carried out by themselves. There is always the influence of friends, family, neighbors, and those random, unassuming strangers that helps to steer the raft of dreams along its course, or shift the winds to direct it onto a more suitable route. A friend of mine told me, "collaboration is key," and she is so right. There may be some brilliant loners out there who made their claim to fame through some wild discovery or invention, but a lot of ideas just need the support of a team to manifest themselves. My dreams definitely aren't fit to be sung a'capella. They require a full-blown symphony; a wide range of foreign instruments, timpani and triangle (of course) included...

It's easy to be selfish when dealing with dreams. NO- they're mine! But an open, sharing heart is probably the only way that they'll ever come true. So I'm putting it out there, friends from around the world, come join me, if you please!