Nomadic Botanist

I'm at a point where I'm not going anywhere and it's beyond frustrating. It's causing me so much stress that I feel like I need to rip myself apart completely to find what I'm looking for. I'm considering resuming my studies– not in the medical field, preferably something that has to do with plants– but the universities' lists of majors are so daunting. WHY do I have to choose one thing? I know I can go in undecided but then it might take me forever to accomplish the core class requirements and blah blah blah. For about 30 minutes today, the idea of going back to college was really nice. It would at least give me something interesting to do. It's not that I'm bored, well yes I actually am, but not with myself or my ideas. I'm bored because nothing ever happens here. Ideas and dreams remain as scribbles in notebooks and only with money as a super-catalyst do they manifest themselves in reality. This is no place for the middle-class dreamers. Kids never leave home This place is beautiful–don't get me wrong– but the culture is limited, the intellect contained to the size of the island, and I generally don't find it very stimulating. I feel so homeless, in the sense that no place in the world seems right for me. I went to the place of my biological roots, and that ended up being a tear-streaked, four-month bout of insomnia and anxiety. I love Sweden but highly doubt that I would be able to survive the long and devastatingly dark winters. I really do love it here, but Hawaii is like a flower-pot that's too small, it does not allow for proper growth. I feel like I'm already turning into some mangled, misshaped, ugly, stunted plant that is drooping from lack of space. I am willing myself not to think about San Francisco/ the bay area, because I know that's exactly where I need to go. If I had a nice fat financial cushion I'd immediately study at UC Santa Cruz. Halfway in the woods, halfway on the field, right by the ocean, green, progressive, small, english-speaking, west coast. Lots of wwoof farms for weekend adventures.... with apple orchards and such.

Yeah, I'll just become an official B.A.-holding botanist (whatever that means) and start my off-the-grid paradise wherever I end up. I'll make sure to bring my herd of goats with me wherever I go, so I can have goat-cheese and yogurt at all times. A true nomad.