Fossilized Snake

This winter is starting to drive me crazy. As much as I enjoy experiencing it first hand, and now finally understand what this so-called "crunchy snow" feels like, I've had quite enough of this frozen, gray drink, thanks. Waiter, Check Please! (And here's a 10 if you call an international-cab for me.)

I've gotten to the point where my thoughts and feelings have become glued together into a sleepy mass of despair, yet are mixed with an extreme restlessness and inner muscle tension. I feel like a fossilized snake that's still alive. Absolutely tortured in my own, petrified body. I WANT OUT!!!

My legs constantly twitch and tighten as I lay in bed, waiting for sleep to come. Sometimes I'm so agitated that I flail all my limbs around and kick my legs up in the air until I've wasted enough energy to rest. When that doesn't work, I run the 13 flights of stairs of my apartment building in shorts and sometimes without shoes (it's below freezing here at night) to the roof where I do all kinds of crazy things: jumping jacks, cherry pickers, running in place, the melbourne shuffle, dancing like an idiot, the CanCan... Just so that I get a little bit of my pent up energy out of my system. When I return to my dorm, my lungs are usually burning and my face is so cold that I can't feel it. But at least I sleep better...

I cannot wait until I am back in the humid climate of Hawaii. Where I can just expose my skin and breathe! I miss hiking so much. Being on the roof of my building is similar to hiking my mountains, only because there's wind up there... Although breathing in of the trails of Stuttgart's smog isn't comparable with the breathing in of the salty yet green trade winds. 

And hopefully my pallid, waxy skin will soon take on its old shade of mahogany. I hardly ever got burnt while living in Hawaii, but I'm almost positive that I will fry before reaching any nice woodsy-color. I even think my eye color changed here... or maybe the contrast to my skin is just so extreme that it appears different. Momentary I think my eyes sort of resemble mossy, wet tree trunks, whereas I used to see them as darkish chestnuts...Oh well, it doesn't really matter... it's just interesting to note the changes that winter brings about.

It's just such a trickery- this winter is totally playing peek-a-boo with me. Or maybe hide-and-seek... It took forever to come, and it disappears every few days to reveal it's sister, Spring. Of course, being an optimist, I am thrilled to see the sun and the little knobby ends on tree branches starting to form blossoms... but then comes a blizzard and promises of -8° nights and I'm disappointed again. Thus I return to my state as a poor fossilized snake, lock up my emotions in a gray, depressed glue and avoid  getting hurt.

 But even then I can't suppress my desire to be out in the world and sunshine... and so I start to go insane.