Rise and Shine

Spring has finally decided to come out and drink afternoon tea with us, after first protesting with a few intense hail-showers for lunch. She is a shy one, lacking the confidence that her older sister Summer seems to possess. In Sweden we have an expression called "April weather" which basically includes every type of weather possible, because April is an extremely unpredictable month. A few years ago I was tanning in April but this year the weather gods haven't been so kind. Yesterday the sky dumped slushy, half-snow/ half-rain upon us, today a few bouts of hail and now a sky so blue you'd think a giant vacuum-cleaner came and sucked up all the fluffy clouds. Another wonderful Swedish saying claims that there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes. I have made this lovely statement into a mantra and force myself to believe it whenever the weather sucks because the benefits of living in Sweden outweigh the shitty weather so much that I don't even feel like I have the right to complain about it (although deep down I still equate sunshine and warmth with good and gray skies with not-so-good).

About a year ago I wrote about my struggles with re-entry to the United States and my non-citizenship there. In the year that passed a lunatic was elected president and I basically don't even want to know what the status of my green-card is. On top of that I seemed to have misplaced that little piece of plastic, which is funny because I usually keep pretty good track of things. In a way I am kind of relieved that I "lost" the physical card, because that makes it a whole lot easier to abandon my US residency, which I need to do anyway because it expires sometime this year. Yup, there is an expiration date on "homeland" access. But that's okay, because I don't think I was ever meant to be American. In fact, it's been two weeks since I applied for Swedish citizenship and that feels so much better than fighting for a legal status in a country that clearly isn't accepting immigrants. I really love climbing stuff, but I'd prefer not to waste my energy getting over Trumps up-and-coming "Wall".

 Every day when I come home from school and unlock the front door my eyes are on alert, ready to scan the patch of doormat where the mail lands for a sign that I have been accepted, taken in, welcomed home. With every passing Friday sans mail my heart drops a little. I will have to wait an entire weekend until I can start unlocking the door with that burning, yearning, excited sensation of hope in my stomach. Hope that there will be a letter waiting for me. A letter that will give me something I have never had before, the feeling of truly being (bureaucratically) welcome where I am. 

Maybe that letter is a bit like this spring; it can't really decide whether it's time to show up or not. Only four days left of April weather and then there's no more excuse. It's time to rise and shine, sun and citizenship!