New is in the air

I find that New Year's resolutions don't materialize into some sort of concrete list until months after the holiday is over. It seems unnatural to think and think and think of things that you want to improve upon or include/ exclude from your life in just the few days before and after New Years. As much as we like to believe that we can control everything with out perfected calendars and predetermined holidays, life isn't about cramming resolutions and ideas into particular dates or times. It isn't in the nature of life to conform to such restraints.

Of course, I came up with a few meaningful resolutions on the spot (such as producing less trash), scribbled them on a paper which I stuffed into a glass bottle and tossed out to sea to be received by mother natures forces (just a little tradition that started last year...), but that paper didn't encompass all of my true resolutions. How could it? Resolutions and decisions come up newly with each passing day. In the past few weeks I've discovered a resolution that I seem to have been practicing without ever having acknowledged that that resolution was even in place: Trying new things. 

I guess I'm always trying new things but lately it has been somewhat of a trend, perhaps even a sort of addiction. Five weeks ago I started training parkour. I just picked it up like that with no prior experience, have been attending trainings weekly since and am really starting to enjoy it. There's some drive in me to build up my strength, especially in the upper body, and push myself out of my comfort zone. There are a lot of challenging parts of parkour that have more to do with the limits of the mind than with the body. For example, there are certain, rather scary jumps that I'm totally capable of physically, but fail in performing because my mind tells me that I'm not strong enough, don't have long enough legs, whatever... The practice is just as much of a training of the mind as the body, and practicing this has allowed me to start seeing through a lot of my fears and just doing it, whatever "it" may be. So parkour was the first big new thing I've tried but that's just the beginning.

I've tossed up my wardrobe, bought my first pair of high-waisted jeans (which I've for some reason been afraid of even trying on in the dressing room since they became popular again) but I thought, eh, why not try them. And guess what—I love them! I bought a pair of heels, HEELS! This is coming from the person who's bought about 10 consecutive pairs of converse over the past 15 years because I like flat shoes and comfort, but I saw a cool pair of buffalo-style platform heels and just bought them on a whim—and they make me feel so great! I dyed my hair purple last week (though it has since then turned into a dark magenta/ black/ red-brown something or other) and started experimenting with a bit of makeup. I used to never wear makeup, like I had some weird purist thing going or something. I've randomly started buying sex toys and having enormous amounts of fun with them. Uh, what? Yeah, I just wrote that. Sex toys. Fun. Random. Something new... And today, today I spontaneously signed up for a beginner's pole-dancing class, which was incredible. Even though the 60-minute class consisted of just the pure basics, it was so empowering and made me connect with some essence of the female goddess . It was just awesome to be in a place where that inherent female quality wasn't stigmatized or pushed into a corner as some raunchy disgrace to the female sex or something like that. Where the very fundamental female sexuality and expression thereof wasn't tainted with degrading terms like "whore" or "slut" but rather embraced and celebrated. I want to celebrate being a woman and salute the powers that women posses. What a gift, to be born goddesses. Let's all celebrate that!! 

Just reading the above paragraph makes me realize that I'm finally living out my 20's. I'm no longer an obedient teenager living under the law of my parents' roof.  I suppose I've technically been on my own for a while now, but it's taken me a good year and a half of living away from home to sample and ultimately savor this newfound freedom. There's nobody standing behind me with a whistle anymore, ordering me around or criticizing my every move. I am free to do and try what I like and that just feels so wonderful. 

I wonder what more interesting thing I'll be exploring in the near and distant future? I used to have some bucket lists of things to do before I die, but its much more fun this way, spontaneously going sex-toy shopping and stumbling into steamy fitness classes. Though pole-dancing definitely was on my bucket list, I didn't really plan it, it just sort of happened. That's how it was when I went sky diving too, I just got invited by a friend one evening and the next morning I jumped out of a plane. Maybe on this list will be trying out university again...but that's kind of boring and is a story for another time. For now, I'm going to curl up in my bed as I do every night, but maybe tonight I'll sleep on the other side. Just to shake things up a bit. ;)