So my previous post was about being a creature of the moon, but today I'm gonna attempt to convince you that I'm a child of the sun. I know, I can never decide on anything...
Considering that the Winter Solstice is soon approaching, and we're halfway through November, I'm pretty not-depressed. That's a first. I'm usually more depressed than this on any given day in Hawaii, with all the sun you could ask for. Regardless, I know that I am quick to fall into winter depression, also known as SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and have succeeded in limiting the decline of serotonin in my system. I have started forcing myself to consume much more meat and seafood than I normally would so that my Vitamin D levels don't go to low, go bananas over bananas for a little trip of tryptophan, exercise my ass off to get as many endorphins flowing as possible, whistle while I walk, eat unwashed vegetables for B12s and hope that I'm also getting some of those bacteria (Mycobacterium Vaccae) that supposedly influence happiness and wellbeing by boosting serotonin levels, try to keep cuddly and in good social circles, and I stare into the sun whenever I get the chance.
The sky was clear today, and it makes a huge difference. As I waited for the metro, I stood on the platform in the "wrong direction" and stared at the sun, peeking out from behind "Svenska Kyrkan" the Swedish church. The sun dazzled over the roof of the seemingly non-denominational brick building and sent auras and rays in my direction. I stared at it with fervor as if it was a child coming to the world, or something equally remarkable. I'm sure people wondered why I was facing the church with a glorious look on my face, from the wrong side of the platform, but it didn't really bother me. The five minutes of sunshine were worth the awkwardness. I did the same thing every time I saw that golden beast today; randomly stopping on the sidewalk and looking up(ish, as the sun is really low these days) to absorb every photon I could.
I wonder why nobody else was doing this. I mean, living in a super dark country, people must go nuts for the sun, but still I seem to be the only one going out of my way to collect all the sun-crumbs it leaves behind. Then it occurred to me that it's probably not such a great idea to stare directly into the sun, regardless of whether or not that positively affects serotonin levels, because that might damage my eyes and make me go blind. And then shit would really be dark...
Considering how weak the sun actually is over here, and considering that I've spent the past 10 years of my life living in a place where the sun has UV level of 12/12 almost year-round, I think it's okay for my retinas to get a bit of direct beaming action, but who knows... I wonder if blind people still have light receptors and produce serotonin and melatonin, even from the light they get through their eyelids or if they are just miserable without any happy or sleepy neurotransmitters...
—So I just took the liberty to look that up, and apparently we have a protein in our retinas called melanopsin that is light-sensitive regardless of whether or not we can actually see. It's supposedly the "6th Sense," and is influenced greatly by the presence of blue-light. I don't feel like writing a science-y research paper on it, because I've done way to much of that in my life already, but feel free to check out this link: http://www.jigsawhealth.com/resources/blue-light-therapy—
Anyway, I guess if I damage my retinas, they might not produce this melanopsin or whatever and thus I'll be a miserable blind man—woman— and so maybe I should look for alternatives. Or not. Whatever. I can be a sun-child and a moon child and a star-child. Maybe I'm not even a child of this earth and my retinas have extraterrestrial powers and supernatural tolerance for UV light. That would explain my night vision and why my hair turns lighter (rather than darker?) in the winter. Okay, but that's super weird right? Usually hair is lightened by the sun—and mine is too, like I get highlights—but my hair has been getting less and less black since I've been in Sweden. Either I'm really turning into a Swede and my hair is gonna be blonde come spring, or I'm getting old and withering, or I'm not a human and then everything would make so much more sense.... Arctic foxes turn completely white in the winter... maybe I'm one of those, but on a different level. Or maybe the melanin in my hair is actually reacting to the lack of light—although hair isn't alive like skin so I really don't know. Yup, I'm gonna stick with the conclusion that I'm some weird alien-sunchild-moon-child-star-child-fuzzy-animal-thing and let's leave it at that.
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